


I'll Be Waiting at the Start of Your Life

by drugfarmentrepreneur



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Human Trafficking, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-10-21 23:16:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10684920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drugfarmentrepreneur/pseuds/drugfarmentrepreneur
Summary: Brendon had been hinting at marriage for years, but when you're a renowned celebrity lawyer and you're secretly dating a famous actor, marriage is risky. It's even riskier when things go wrong and plans fall short. When everything goes to hell, Ryan and Brendon have to learn to pick up the pieces of their relationship and deal with the consequences of their reckless coping mechanisms.





	1. Your Promise Means the World

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, this is not the first story I've ever written, but it is the first I've ever published. I'm very excited to get my ideas out to the world. As of right now, I do not have an update schedule, but I'm working to crank this out as quick as possible. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy.

“And you know, wouldn’t be amazing if we could just live together forever? We could get matching rings and everything! Ryan that would be amazing.” Brendon sighed. Ryan wasn’t listening, but then, he rarely did when Brendon started talking about marriage. He’d been trying to convince Ryan they’d be perfect for years. They’d been dating since high school so it wasn’t like they weren’t well suited for each others’ company. Brendon had been pushing the idea of getting married hard after all 50 states legalized same-sex unions. He’d been hinting at it well before that too, but he was aware of the risks it involved. Ryan had been in the acting business since he was about 14 years old and it was a rare occasion to celebrate when his name and picture didn’t decorate the front cover of a magazine. Anything he said or did, anyone he was seen hanging out with, it was all for public consumption. Brendon, on the other hand, was a seasoned lawyer. He’d taken on what seemed like thousands of celebrity cases and, not to brag, but he’d never failed. It was almost as if he were born speaking legalese. His name often decorated news websites, congratulating him on yet another successful case of a celebrity being sued. The two of them were public figures and jumping out of the closet as not only homosexuals but as boyfriends (or husbands, if Brendon could have his way) too would bring an onslaught of press coverage they didn’t want. Of course in this day and age, the press wouldn’t all be malicious. 

“So what do you think, Ry?” Ryan looked up from a new script he’d been studying for an upcoming audition. 

“About what, sweetie?” Brendon's eyes lit up like the flames of hell. 

"Well, maybe you'd know what if you listened to anything I was ever saying. You've always got your nose in a script, so sorry for thinking you would hear me." 

"That's hardly fair, you constantly have your nose in a case. Just tell me what you said, Bren."

"Never mind, it doesn't matter anyway. You've made it perfectly clear that you want to stay hidden in a closet, never getting to hold my hand in public, making sure we never stand too close." Brendon stormed towards the bedroom. 

There was a soft knock on the bedroom door and Brendon offered a weak "Fuck off." before hearing the door click open. Brendon felt the bed dip down behind him.

"Roll over, baby. Talk to me."

"You seem to only care when I'm upset." Ryan rubbed at Brendon's back and managed to roll him over with minimal effort.

"I care about you all the time. I just don't think it's a good idea to get married yet. There are a lot of risks involved." So the fucker had been listening. 

"It's fine Ryan, don't worry about it. You're right. We are both too famous to try to come out now. That could change everything in our lives and it would be a bad day for both of us." Brendon rolled back over and pulled the blanket over his head. He couldn't suppress the giggle he let out when he felt Ryan's body flop over him. 

"I'm going to make this up to you, I promise. I promise you that Bren. I love, love, love you, Brenny." Brendon laughed harder. 

"I thought we agreed that you wouldn't call me that anymore." 

"You agreed to that, not me." Ryan kissed Brendon's nose. 

"I'm holding you to that promise, Mr. Ross." 

"I know you are."


	2. Welcome to the Start of Forever

Ryan stood in front of the bedroom door trying to catch his breath and stop shaking before entering. His heart had been racing since roughly 4:37 that morning. He knew Brendon had been wanting to get married for years, but his own fears clouded his judgment. 

Last night Ryan had lay awake thinking of what was going through Brendon's mind that night a month ago. To Brendon, it must have sounded like Ryan didn't want to marry him. Of course, that wasn't the case. He was just trying to be conscious of the risks involved. 

Ryan looked at his watch. It read 8:07 AM. He took another deep breath and knocked on the door to his and Brendon's bedroom. "Bren, baby. Wake up I've got a surprise for you." Ryan pushed the door open and stepped into the room. He stopped and just stared. Brendon looked like an angel laying in the bed. His dark brown hair was messy from rolling around in his sleep. It was such a beautiful sight; Ryan almost didn't want to rouse him. 

Ryan quietly walked to the bed and kissed Brendon's forehead. "Wake up, baby. I have a huge surprise for you." Ryan gently shoved at Brendon to wake him. Brendon woke with a start and lazily hit Ryan's shoulder. 

"Ryan Ross, you scared the hell out of me. I thought I was falling off the bed." Brendon smacked at Ryan again, then crawled into his lap. Ryan pet Brendon's hair as he spoke.

"Okay, so get up, and take a shower. I have plans for us today. Oh, and wear something nice."

"What kind of plans?"

"Surprise plans. Do you remember when I promised to make things up to you? About a month ago? I'm making it up to you now." Brendon looked startled as if he hadn't expected Ryan to remember. Brendon stood up and made his way towards the bathroom. Once Brendon was out of earshot, Ryan pulled out his phone and dialed a number. "Hey Bill, you got the car ready right?... And the champagne?... Thank you... William, you are the best. Remind me to buy you something expensive later on." 

An hour later, Ryan and Brendon were sitting in the back of a sleek black car. William Beckett sat in the driver's seat with a pair of sunglasses on. 

"Where to first, Mr. Ross?" William was trying his best to be as professional as possible. It made Ryan giggle. Brendon was glancing between the two with a confused expression. 

"Am I missing something here?" 

"Don't worry about it, Bren. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the beautiful scenic views on the way to the best day of your life."

 

***

 

"Ryan Ross you did not!" Brendon's mouth hung open as he stared at the vaulted ceiling of the ballroom. Ryan looped his arm around Brendon's and escorted him to their table in the center of the room. Ryan couldn't help but stare at his boyfriend as they walked. Brendon's eyes lit up like a child seeing the stars for the first time. 

Brendon sat down looking amazed. "I can't believe you did this Ryan. You took me to an aquarium and to the park and now this? How did you even manage to get us dinner in the ballroom of the fanciest hotel in New York City?" 

"Do you remember my friend William Beckett? The man that drove us here?" Brendon nodded slowly. "His father just so happens to own this hotel, and I just so happen to be very close friends with William, and I may have pulled some strings to get a five-course meal in the ballroom with the most elite in New York." Brendon's eyes widened and he grabbed Ryan's hand from across the table and squeezed it. Usually, Ryan would pull away from Brendon when he showed affection publicly, but tonight he was going to make Brendon happy even if that meant mild anxiety during dinner. 

"I love you so much. You are the most amazing boyfriend in the world." Ryan smiled and thought 'Oh, just wait.' 

Once they had finished dinner, two waiters came out of the kitchen. The first waiter was carrying two large pieces of chocolate cake. The cake in his right hand had sparklers. The second waiter carried two glasses of champagne. The first waiter set the sparkling cake in front of Brendon. Brendon's eyes grew wider than they had when they first entered. He looked to Ryan, who was taking the glass of champagne from the second waiter. 

"Brendon Urie, a man who grew up in Las Vegas, Nevada thinks he knows extravagant. Of course he does, he walked past the strip every day. But today, his idea of extravagant will change." Ryan was speaking directly to Brendon. Ryan hoped the man didn't see how badly he was shaking. 

"Ryan, what are you doing? We both know you don't do well with everyone's attention being on you." 

"Shh, let me talk. Ryan Ross. A man who hates the spotlight was drawn to a man who knew nothing but it. There is not a single day that goes by that I do not love you, Brendon Urie." Brendon stared at Ryan, confused. Ryan held the champagne glass up to Brendon as he knelt down beside him. At the bottom of the glass sat a ring made of black titanium with both men's initials carved into it. 

"Brendon Boyd Urie, will you marry me?" Brendon just nodded and took the glass. New York's elite cheered. For the first time in their entire relationship, they kissed in front of one hundred people and neither one cared.


	3. Nights Gone By

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys, I am so sorry for how long this chapter took me. This chapter totally kicked my ass to write and then school stress happened, but I finally got it. I hope you enjoy.

“No mom you don’t get it do you?” Brendon stood from the couch, tears welling in his eyes. 

“No Brendon, I don’t get it. How could you be...that. I raised you in the church. I raised you to be a good boy.” He wasn’t really surprised that his mother was disappointed in him. 

“I’m gay. Not some drug addicted murder. I could be so much worse and you’re treating me like I just killed my own sister.” Brendon stared at his mom wishing she'd beg him to sit and talk with her. Instead, she glared at him like he was the black sheep of his family. Looking back, he guessed he was the black sheep. 

"Get out of my house. I will not have an abomination living under my roof. The ladies at church are never going to let me live this down. You have no idea what shame and disgrace you've brought to our name. Get out. And don't you come running back here in a few years when being gay turns out to be a fun little hobby you toss out of the window. Like when you wanted to make music." She turned her back on Brendon. He ran upstairs and threw some clothes in a bag and left. The words his mother had spoken reverberated in his head. He had nowhere to go. Fourteen years old, a freshman in high school, and now he was homeless. He took a deep breath and walked away from that house for the last time. 

Brendon remembered meeting a guy at school named Spencer. He was the only person who'd ever spoken to Brendon aside from his siblings. Spencer had told Brendon he hung out at the thrift shops on the weekends. It was a long shot to hope Spencer would still be at a thrift shop at seven pm on a Sunday, but it was the only hope he had. Brendon said a quick prayer, one of his last, and made his way towards the strip mall. 

Brendon made it to the strip just as Spencer was walking out of the store. He flagged Spencer down and explained the problem. Spencer listened to him attentively. 

"Jesus, dude, she just kicked out? Didn't even let you talk to her?" Brendon's prayer had been answered. He spotted Spencer leaving the thrift shop just as he got there. He explained everything to Spencer amidst soft sobs. "Hey, hey buddy. You'll be okay. You can stay at my place. I can get you a job and you'll have a roof over your head. My parents are fairly open minded. They won't mind you being gay." 

"What kind of shady place is going to hire a fourteen-year-old? That goes against the child labor laws." Brendon stared at Spencer with uncertainty. Spencer looked over his shoulder and threw his arm over Brendon, steering him towards the sidewalk. 

"Child labor laws don't matter where I'm working. You can work with me. You'll be a delivery boy. So basically how it works is Mr. Weekes sends me a huge package with a list of names. Each name is attached to a smaller package, has the amount due, and the meeting place listed. All you have to do is meet the guy and trade the package for the money." The two had made it to Spencer's house by the time he'd finished explaining the job to Brendon.

That next week Brendon had a package addressed to him sitting on Spencer's doorstep from a Mr. Dallon Weekes.

Brendon was eternally grateful to Spencer for letting him live with him, but also getting him a job. In the following months that they lived together, the two got very close. Brendon surprised even himself when he made the first move. 

"Hey, Spencer? Are you still awake?" 

"Yeah. What's up?" 

"I've been thinking and I want to thank you for taking me in. I know I've said it a thousand times before, but you really helped me. I was homeless and you immediately took me in and gave me a place to stay. You are an amazing friend, Spencer. Would it be weird if I kissed you?" Spencer shook his head and Brendon pressed their lips together. That night Brendon slept in Spencer's bed. He felt loved for the first time. 

About a month later Spencer invited Dallon Weekes over to meet Brendon and to share his new shipment.

"So, Mr. Urie, how did you meet Spencer?" Dallon Weekes was a tall man with dark hair. He'd be frightening if he carried himself like most drug dealers did, however, Dallon was a happy man, smiling as he rolled his third joint and cut another line of coke from his canvas bag for Spencer. Brendon took the joint from Dallon and inhaled deeply. 

"My mom kicked me out for being gay. I remembered I had a friend from school who hung out by the thrift stores, so I found him and he let me stay at his place. I've been staying with him since freshman year." Brendon took another long drag of the weed. 

"And what grade are you in now?" Dallon asked.   
"I'm finishing my junior year in a couple of days. Haven't seen my mom in three years." Brendon laughed and walked over to Spencer who offered him a line of coke. Brendon leaned over and happily took it. 

They sat smoking for several hours, tossing in occasional short conversations when the silence got tiring before Dallon had to leave. He stood, wading through twinkie wrappers to get to his now empty bag of drugs. Brendon and Spencer retired to their bedroom after seeing Dallon to his car. 

"Is he bringing us more coke when he comes back? I'm running out." Spencer just nodded, already feeling the effects of everything he'd taken.

***

In hindsight going behind Ryan's back to speak with the people he hadn't seen in almost ten years wasn't the best idea he'd ever had. He just thought that Ryan's parents would want to see their son get married. His own mother, the very woman who was the root of all his problems as an adult, had turned around and surprised him by saying she would attend. 

"Hello, Mrs. Ross?" Brendon realized the stupidity of his idea the moment the small woman opened the door. 

"Yes? And who are you?" 

"My name is Brendon Urie, ma'am and I am your son's fiance. I know he hasn't spoken to you since he got into acting, but I'd like to talk with you and your husband and maybe I could convince you to come?" He wrung his hands in front of him. he was nervous and rightfully so. 

"I-I suppose we could spare a few minutes." Mrs. Ross led Brendon inside. He took a seat on the small couch. He sat patiently waiting for Mrs. Ross to return from the back of the house with Mr. Ross. The house was small but well furnished. Ryan never spoke about his childhood home, but it was cute. Across from the couch, Brendon was sitting on was a fireplace. There was a picture of the Ross family above the fireplace. Ryan looked about 12 in the picture. It was most likely one of the last his family took of him before they disowned him. 

"Mr. Urie, my husband George Ross." Brendon stood and shook the tall man's hand. George Ross was a scary old man. He was much taller than Brendon and he had a firmer handshake. 

"So I hear you want to talk about my son?" 

"Uh, yes sir. I wanted to ask you to come to our wedding. I understand that there was some tension between you and Ryan after he dropped out of high school, but he is an amazing actor. He has a well-paying job. He's planning on marrying a lawyer. He isn't living in a box on the streets of New York." Ryan’s parents exchanged a glance. 

“Brendon he didn’t drop out… we-” Mrs. Ross was cut short by Mr. Ross kicking her leg. He gave he a look and turned back to me. 

“Well just think about it okay? I’m going to go talk to Ryan about it…” Brendon stood, put his hand out for the Ross’s to shake and he left.


End file.
